to him. #3.

I know that I have written to you more than anyone else. But that is only because you have been on my mind a lot more. My mind is full of confusion about you. Curiosity about you. Wonders about you.
I have told you what I think. I have told you how I feel. I have let everything out. There's nothing more to say. I feel so confused about you though. You have said some things...but I never fully understand them.
I always laugh inside when you suddenly change the topic of a text. It makes me feel like you're hiding something. Or just simply uncomfortable. Whatever it is, I wish you would just come out and say it. We have both agreed that we cannot deny what has happened in our past together. But I don't want that to affect our present. and future.
You make these comments. Little sayings or phrases that bring up old times once more. So I sit in remembrance of them. But I never know how to respond. I don't know whether to respond in sarcasm, humor, hatred, mercy, gladness. Partly because I'm not sure how I feel. Then partly because I don't know what kind of response you're looking for...
I've heard stories. not good ones. ones that I wish were lies, yet I am not finding it particularly hard to believe. Sometimes I wish people would just stop bringing stories about you up. However, despite my wishes, people still do. Occasionally it will be a story that makes me laugh. smile. remember. Most of them do not fit in that category however. There's always those stories that make me sad. mad. confused. hurt. Yet...I do not know why. They shouldn't make me feel that way. Honestly your life should not be very much of my business. Your life, your decisions, your desires. It's all yours. It still somehow affects me though.
I feel as if I'm babbling on right now. But I'm just writing the things that come to me. In the order they come to me in. So if you're terribly confused or lost, I'm sorry. That was not my intention. I'm still working through things. Overcoming things. Looking past things. Letting go of things. Yes I guess it has been a rather long/slow process. But I am progressing...at least I think. and hope.

If you are ever bored. And ever have the time. Look up the song More Like Her by Miranda Lambert. You may not like it, but it has been playing through my mind a lot. It kind of makes me think of some things. And question myself.

I will see you soon. Probably on the stage. Under the lights. Around the music. In the midst of others like me and like you. Until then, farewell.

Love Always,
pookie.