sleepy head.

you make me laugh sometimes. I find myself astounded at how much you do and how you do it. at the time it doesnt appear to bother you, but I know it does. Ive talked to you about it many times.
its almost as if its what you live for. you live for the work, the busy schedule, the stress, the behind the scenes. i can honestly say that you are the hardest worker i have ever met. you overwork yourself, this you already know. but the word "break" is not in your dictionary. all of your hard work pays off however. things go good-and thats thanks to you. not many people ever stop to tell you thanks for what you do...including me. so thank you.

you have become my best friend. i remember when i thought you would never talk to me again, never want to be around me, not want anything to do with me. you proved me wrong. it has become the exact opposite. we're best friends now. [[i slightly feel like a junior higher bragging about their "bff". but ohwell]]. i know that i can tell you anything, vice versa. i love that about us.
it makes me happy knowing that you are comfortable "venting" to me. letting things out. speaking your mind. im sorry if it feels like i tell you the same thing every time, but its what i honestly think.
i have seen you change so much in the past 8 months, but in a good way. im proud of you and the changes youve made, the things you have accomplished. you should be proud of yourself too.

xoxo...me.

thought::you need a break. it's almost here.
dream::you will continue to grow and have the life youve always wanted.
hope::you will stop being so hard on yourself sometimes.
inspiration::my best friend.

surprise?

I have a confession to make.


I might...no, I DO have the greatest friends in the world.
THE greatest. I love them more than anything.

seriously, be jealous.=]


thought::i love my friends.
dream::came true.
hope::they had as much fun as I did. haha
inspiration::18th birthday.

venice bliss.

Here I sit trying to understand why this bothers me so much. trying to figure out why these things are going through my mind, and why they wont leave.
I found myself placed in such a complicated mood last night. I wanted to be happy, have fun, enjoy myself. But I felt hurt, troubled, remembering occurences this time last year. I tried to keep my mind off of it, off of him, off of them. My eyes would keep wandering that way though. I felt as if everywhere I turned it was right in front of me.
I'm glad he's not affected by any of this. I'm glad he can just let it fall of his back. I'm glad he can pretend like nothing ever happened. I don't exactly work like that though. It's still a struggle for me....still. It has to go away soon. At least I'm hoping it does...
xoxo...what should be

thought::i miss him, but i dont want to.
dream::that this is only a nightmare.
hope::I will be able to get over all of this mess soon.
inspiration::prom night.

to him #6

I cant do this anymore.
I need to stop putting myself into positions like these.
I dont know what I'm doing to myself. why I'm doing this to myself.
Its only torture. having you on my mind. I dont want you there.
I want to not have this feeling of discomfort when I'm around you.
Maybe your school's prom is a bad idea. Maybe I shouldnt be going. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to respond or feel. I'm hoping I can cut loose and have fun. but I'm not sure of that yet.

Only a few more months...
xoxo...pooksters