snow white.

mirror, mirror on the wall:
have I got it?

why do I tend to care what others think, what they say?
I don't need this world to tell me who I should be, what I should do.
My standards are not that of this world.
I was created by the King. I am not owned by them.
I am me. I am beautiful. I am His daughter.
It doesn't matter what they say. Only what He says.


thought::why does what they think affect me?
dream::i will not let them take me down.
hope::i will always remember that I am His princess.
inspiration::life. people.

ex-me.

tonight my past was brought up.
my past mistakes. hurts. pains.
this of course led to a quite lengthy, and quite difficult, conversation. a conversation that i wasnt necessarily excited about having. telling people about past mistakes and hurts may be a way of venting, but it brings back all of those hurts and emotions.
in a way, having it brought up was a good thing. i began to think about it and realized how far ive come. how much ive grown. im not the same person i was.

at the same time however, another thought came to mind.
i do not want this to be the way people see me. i dont go around telling everyone about my past because i dont want them to look at me and think that.
i cannot help but wonder, is that how people see me?
when someone looks at me, do they see me now? or do they see my mess-ups. mistakes. stupidity. the girl i used to be. the things i used to do. the way i used to act. i have worked so hard to get where i am. to overcome my past. to be strong.

i look back at the things ive done and i see how my experiences and my mistakes have helped others that i know. it has helped me to relate, to advise, to sympathize. i know that i would not be where i am now without learning from all of them.
but i dont want others to judge me, name me, see me differently because of my past...especially a few certain people...

dear sir,
please dont look at what ive done and been through and look at me differently.
you do not know the whole story, just the "overview". but if you ever want to hear it, if you have questions, if you have curiousities, i will tell you.
because i want you to know that ive grown. that ive changed. im letting go.
xoxo...the grad.

thought::i may still need some work. but im getting there.
dream::my past could be erased.
hope::people wont focus on my mistakes.
inspiration::an unexpected conversation.

reality check.

Reality is beginning to hit me.
Here I am. 18 years old. 4 days of high school left. getting ready to go to college and really start my life. But I cannot help but wonder...amd I ready?
All my life I have had everything handed to me. Ive never had to do anything for myself. You may call me "spoiled", and I guess in a way I may be. I guess I should call myself one of the "lucky ones" who has a family that has always just taken care of what I wanted and needed. I have people tell me they wish they could have it like me...but really I dont think they do.
I have had everything done for me. and now that I'm getting older I am coming to that realization that I dont know how to do anything...I dont know much about finances or bills or a job or just life itself. Ive never been taught it. Ive never had to deal with it. Am I ready for this "real world" ahead of me?
Usually people are excited for their future. Im trying to be. but on the inside Im screaming due to the fear of it.
I feel as if my life has flown by. and now here I am. slightly feeling like a little kid at a store who gets lost from their parents. Everything is becoming so real to me. Reality is getting ready to hit me and hit me hard.
I'm not sure what to do.
All I can do is trust Him...

thought::it's coming too fast.
dream::everything will work out perfect.
hope::i'll be ready.
inspiration::life.