to him.

Sometimes, when I sit here alone in the quiet. I think of you. I miss you...although I dont want to. I want to hate you.despise you.not even look at you. But I cant. I still feel attached, like I'm a dog on a leash, and you're holding the other end. I think of all the things we did. I think of all the fun we had. I recall the times when I would sit there and think of how lucky I was. how happy I was. how confident I was that we would always be we.
But I guess you had different plans. Plans of sticking with one until one better, one "prettier", comes along. I didnt understand. I still dont understand. And you would think that I would have gotten over this by now but I hanvent. I want to let go. But every time I see you, every time I simply hear your name, I think of what we went through. what we worked through. what we did. what we said. I gave you so much of me. trusting that you wouldnt hurt me. but you didnt care.
I remember the first time I really believed that you really did love me. You ran to me with tears in your eyes. You wrapped your arms around me and told me you loved me. It was that day that made me so confident that nothing could ever tear us apart. But I was wrong. I feel tricked. I feel manipulated. I feel used.
I think back to the day...the day that I now consider to be the worst day of my life. You lied to me. I wish you could have "manned up" and told me the truth, instead of me having to hear it from others. On that day you told me that you still loved me...however the last time I checked, loving someone didnt involve lying to them. shattering them. I try to put on a mask and pretend things are okay when I'm around you. But in reality, my mind is like a movie, playing the story of our past.
But every now and then....I look at you, and you look at me. And I wonder what happened...I wonder that if I had done something differently, if we would still be together. All the anger inside of me melts and I begin to miss you again. You might not understand this...but I meant everything I ever said to you. Everytime I told you I love you, and cared for you. Everytime I told you I was happy.
I gave you so much...but I guess that wasnt enough...
xoxo...pooks